Zombie Sex?

I was once asked, “Can zombies have sex?” A most curious question. And, as one who has seen a ton of movies related to the living dead genre, immersed himself into the culture, consulted on a zombie film, been a featured guest at ZomCon, been interviewed on TV and national radio, and written a book about the subject, I hereby confidently respond to that question in the following manner (with some questions of my own): 

 #1  Um…why do you want to know that?

#2  Have you ever really thought about the science of death and what it does to the human body?

#3  Are you assuming that sexual desire (or the urge to procreate) continues after death or even “reanimates” along with the lust for flesh?

#4  Zombie-ism is the insatiable craving for brains (though flesh is an acceptable appetizer). I can hear some girls now, “Is this the only way we can get a guy to like us for our minds, and not our bodies? Geez!”

#5  Unlike your current state of being, sex isn’t even on the radar for zombies. Actually, their craving is far more powerful than any sexual desire.

#6  Certain parts of the body simply don’t function when your flesh is decaying. Though muscular tissue is energized, enabling the zombie to have mobility, this activity is for the sole purpose of consuming. Even viagra can’t help zombies (no rigor mortis jokes here, please).

#7  According to Episode 7 of The Christian Zombie Killers Handbook, the pleasure center of the brain (that part rebooted by the virus which creates the living dead) mysteriously only focuses on eating flesh and brains. No scientific study done thus far has been able to isolate why the virus does this.

#8  Even so, there is no actual pleasure or euphoria associated with a zombie’s consumption of brains. No arousal or “high”. Simply a sense of satisfaction that soon fades and is replaced by another round of craving (very much like the living’s sexual desire in this respect).

#9  As far as researchers can tell, there is no memory of sexual pleasure or activity from a previous life for these flesh-ghouls. Further, while sex has great redeeming value in it’s proper context, there is nothing remotely good about zombies or what they do.

#10  HOWEVER, the metaphorical zombie dwelling inside the not-yet-dead is enamored with sex and usually engages in it whenever and however it’s urges dictate – mentally or physically. That is, unless one understands and is trained on how to slay it.

For more information on developing a proven strategy to bring “death to the dead” inside you, purchase or download a sample of The Christian Zombie Killers Handbook – Slaying the Living Dead Within. More info at http://jeffkinley.wpengine.com/zombie-killers/

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

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